Been rather crazy this last week. My daughter had her first day of school last week and her official full day yesterday. It was emotional for me and seemed to be a little emotional for my daughter.
The first day, I had to go and drop her off and then come back later for talking to the principal and teacher. The drop off went better than I thought it would. She gave me a hand heart on my way out and only ran out after me because she wanted the apple we said we were going to give the teacher. We didn't have any apples with us so I told her we could on monday. She started to cry a little when she came back from gym and saw me in her classroom, though it wasn't because I was there, she said she hadn't learned enough yet.
When monday came around, I realized we never bought any apples over the weekend. While I got things ready for her for school, I drew up a quick craft for her to color and cut to make an apple for the teacher. While we waited for the bus, my dad stopped by and had bought an apple for her to take. She said she was going to give the teacher both but ended up only giving her the real apple. I had hoped that maybe I would of been able to ride the bus with her since it was her first time riding, at least back when I was her age, parents were able to ride...I wasn't really surprised that I couldn't but still made me sad. I think my daughter was confused because she was hoping I could ride too. She got on the bus so fast that I wasn't able to talk to her about it first. I didn't get any phone calls about needing to go get her or anything so she must of done fine once in school. When it came time to getting her from the bus after school, I have to be there with her every morning and be at the stop when she gets off, I wanted to get a picture of her getting off the bus but she was crying and was having trouble getting off the bus so I went to her and she just latched onto me crying. She was holding most her weight so it barely felt like I was holding her up. After asking her why she was crying she said it was because she missed me.
Today.....It will take some getting use to a set schedule because we barely had one before. I'm not use to a set schedule to where that even though I haven't done too much the last few days, I'm getting fairly worn out already. This morning went fine, she was so excited to get back to school. Gets right out of bed when I mention she has school. We get her ready and I take her to the bus. Once she's on the bus, I'm at a loss to what to do. I know what I'm suppose to do, I have it all planned, but everything is just still new and weird for me. I ended up watching a show I had recorded and small amount of cleaning done. Went to lunch with family and then came back and got some more cleaning done. Biggest thing I've realized....I'm lonely when she's at school. I'm a single mom who lives with my parents and older brother and not many friends. So I have like barely anyone to talk to until my mom gets home, but then depending on what she has to do, I may or may not get to talk to her. Most of my plans are to get the house deep cleaned but hoping I can maybe get a social life more. Back to about school, the after school bus pick up went better. No crying! It's nice when she's back.
I so badly want to be able to know what she's doing all the time, like can she wear a tiny camera pin so I can see what she does? It would make me feel so much better but then I think about back when I was her age.... I did just fine in school without my mom. I even went to the same school. I loved the feeling of going out and doing things without my mom, like school and the hanging with friends when I got older. I have to keep the thoughts of how I felt when I was her age to keep me from keeping her too close. I want us close but I don't want to hinder her growth by either blowing out the flame of wanting to go do things, but also don't want to let that flame become a wild fire to where she'll be hard to handle and have a rocky relationship.
The hardest part of parenting is that they grow into their own person. They can be your baby no matter how old they get but they still are their own person with their own thoughts and wants. You don't want them to leave but you know it's good for them. My little girl is growing up and she's loving it.
